Heartbreaks are some of the hardest things we have to experience in life. No matter how many times we go through it, we probably wonder… how much longer does one have to go through it? Throughout life, we will experience an array of events leading up to heartbreak (the loss of somebody, relationships, the loss of a pet, the loss of a job, the disappointment that can be carried, etc.).
And since I’ve been a pioneer in this department and have gotten myself motivated and inspired by heartbreak, hence the adventures I’ve sought, and from when I spoke openly about my story last year, I felt like this is a topic that needs to be addressed. This year, a good friend of mine and my co-worker Elijah suddenly passed away and I was heartbroken, knowing how much more memories we could’ve had and how I just spoke with him a few days before he passed. I also lost my kind aunt this year and my childhood friend Tyler who I knew from elementary school through high school. It made me reflect harder and just when I thought I already knew about heartbreak, some of my life events with heartbreak tested me. I also experienced plenty of disappointments from close romantic relationships from time to time.
Here are some simple but powerful ways on how I overcame these chronicles of heartbreak by focusing on myself and recognizing what matters in the presence:
Truly allow yourself to grieve. Cry it out. Be sad and take time to yourself. They say to keep yourself busy when this happens but what also works is having your space and if you need to cancel those plans because you’re still affected or not in the right state of mind to fully soak in the presence, please do so. Don’t feel bad, your friends and fam will be understanding and support you through it too. Just make sure not to stay too long in being alone in this.
Grieving can be a long process, do not feel like you need to beat a length, let it be as long as you need it to be. Also, please do not resort to unhealthy ways of coping with grief and believe they are quick and easy solutions to help you forget. In fact, do not forget your loss, but remember your loss positively and if it gets hard to remember, just breathe and cry it out. Crying will release the tension in your body and who needs the anxiety to eat you up more?
2. If you don’t feel like talking about it, seek some comfort reading through Reddit.
Reddit is probably one of the best sites out there and I feel like if I’m searching through answers or need a bit more clarity, I will use this as a resource. I spend hoursss going through it (I will google “(my question) reddit” to directly take me to the question and read other people’s experiences through their answers. Sometimes you might find yourself getting sad learning there’s some hard truth out there but you will get stronger and wiser. You will learn you aren’t alone in experiencing this.
3. Adventure it out. Maybe try a solo adventure.
Solo nature trips aren’t for everyone, I get that! But there’s something comforting about being in peace by yourself and nature. There are many benefits to it (this is why I talk about the outdoors a ton). Mindfulness is so powerful to practice and letting your thoughts roam then finding beauty around you can easily push those thoughts out too and I experienced so much of this from doing the 52 Hike Challenge. Go on a hike, kayak, walk in a park, or go do a road trip!
4. Remember you are loved and this too shall pass.
You are enough. You are strong. You are going to get through this and you will remember to keep your head up, no matter how long it takes. There are people who care for you and you will recognize it gets easier as time passes. Remember to do self-care and don’t neglect to take care of you!
5. Try new things and give yourself a chance to new opportunities like meeting new people.
Unfortunately during this pandemic, it is much harder to do this but it isn’t impossible. Make sure you practice precaution when getting out there or if you’d want to meet people, there are now virtual meetups too before you can trust seeing them in person. When trying new things, get yourself immersed in a new hobby and maybe fall in love with doing it! I know when I’m heartbroken, I find myself more productive than ever so I will continue to create content or discover something new.
6. Try therapy.
Therapy is for anyone and if you find things are too hard to move past, I highly recommend seeking therapy to help you pour your heart to someone, to reflect, recognize what baby steps you can work on, see what part of the heartbreak is causing triggers, and re-discovering how you can be stronger. There should be no stigma when it comes to therapy because the benefits of coming out of therapy can be so life-changing.
I admit I’ve tried it last year for 6 months and I found mine from PsychologyToday. Having a professional counselor could open up your eyes, draw out the patterns and cycle you can get into, and they could also help you learn how to breathe, comfort yourself, and connect with your body when it is going through the grieving process. I know it helped me learn how I can manage my anxiety when it gets too hard.
7. Surround yourself with the people you love.
I did mention above you should cancel plans when things are too hard for you at the moment to enjoy yourself with company but don’t let that be a habit! You need to eventually be with people you can trust and whom you can lean to for support. I am so grateful for such a loyal circle of close friends, siblings, and the most supportive and caring parents I could ever ask for. They will really move you enough to overcome heartbreak. They will open up more perspective, they will make you laugh, and they will encourage you as well as give you the utmost comfort. Do surround yourself and allow yourself to be opened with them too!
8. Transfer your emotions to something beautiful or something life-changing. Get busy when you are ready to again.
In my heartbreak story, I talked about how I felt inspired to travel/adventure more because I was going through rough patches of losing men I thought I’d end up with. In fact, a lot of my work you see here was because I was motivated by heartbreak and the numerous feelings of loneliness. Believe it or not, and now I see my work a year later paying off from being seen by thousands of readers monthly. It’s astonishing really.
What I did was really go hard in my work because I wanted to overdrive my productivity and keep me busy. I wanted my emotions to flow in my work without actually wallowing in the sorrow. I was unemployed and had no job thus I was becoming broke, I moved to a new state where I felt so obligated to start new (albeit it was a blessing in disguise!), I got out of a toxic 3-year relationship the year before, dated someone new just to end things, and I was tormented by all this confusion. My self-worth had to be re-discovered from literally all of these challenges and I didn’t want to sit on it, I went out of my way to do something about it.
You may not want to go hard on blogging as I did, but you may find journaling is something you could do. Open up those possibilities of where you can create art, beauty, and other projects. You may find yourself seeking a new thing or something you’ve always loved doing prior to transfer those emotions. Let that influence you to heal.
9. The presence is powerful, don’t forget that.
It’s easy to think back of the past of whichever heartbreak event you go through but remember: you are living for the present. The present truly is a gift. It is one of the strongest ways to help you in your healing because you will be so immersed and focused on the reality and you will continue to add more memories and moments in the period of the present. You will find yourself experiencing happier moments and so much more to celebrate and you will then understand that your pain can no longer have room in your heart.
10. Don’t focus on finding closure and if you want to seek closure, you can find your own closure.
Many times you may never know the true answer to something ending. You may never get to hear the last words from someone or you may never get the answer you’ve desired to make you understand what you can do about it. That’s where you can shift your focus on finding your own closure and make a damn beautiful story out of it by working on being healthier for you without wondering about all the “what ifs” and “whys”.
You may be in pain now, but it won’t last forever. You will move on and you may be so blessed to have done so.
Heartbreak is going to take shape in many forms throughout your life and it’s going to be presented in many ways in your life from the aftermath. These tips are simply reminders of how you can ease the pain that comes with heartbreak and it’ll allow yourself to get closer to freedom, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically!! There is always a way to rebuild and rise up to the mountain again.