It’s been a topic that’s been so important for me but I’ve never fully spoken on this. I’ve read and watched a lot about people being so open about their singleness and I thought how much of it resonated for me.
The first time (and probably one of the only times) I opened up about this is through one of my Instagram posts and the responses I got from fellow blogger friends and followers were amazing. I loved hearing about how others were once in my shoes and some who are still in those shoes. They even appreciated my honesty, but isn’t allowing transparency what makes life an authentic one to live by?
Why choose to embrace your singleness?
I would say there were many things I am private about, but this was something I couldn’t be private about because it’s apparent from what you can see: I am an unmarried female and I do not cover family travel topics.
To be honest, sometimes I feel like I would have it harder in finding a partner who was compatible due to my lifestyle and people my age (I’m in my mid-20’s) are still working on themselves, but working on yourself is going to always be a constant no matter where you are in life. It’s also getting more common now that people are getting married later in life.
So what do I mean by my “lifestyle”? Well as you can see, I’m an adventure travel blogger. This means I’m going to want to go on constant adventures to chase so I can create content and just do what I love to do, which by the way makes me the happiest clam in the world. As I noted on that Instagram post, my relationships have failed because they told me they couldn’t go on as many road trips or travel like me. I found out that those people don’t prioritize or make time for such things as I do — I found myself attracting people who were so not compatible with me.
It’s a pattern that was hard to break so I found myself constantly dating, in which I had no expectations for towards what the outcome would be, but I became cautious of who I was going to spend my time with and not feel like I’ll waste my time any longer. I appreciated the value of time the more I started seeing how much things you can accomplish with time and when I got so sick.
So, I went into this mentality of just making friends instead of hoping to catch romantic feelings at first sight. My mom always told me to get to know someone as a friend before jumping into romance, and that’s where embracing my singleness is going to play an important part.
When you’re single, you can really find out more about yourself.
We often read about how one should be proud to be independent, to have self-love, and all this self-empowerment stuff. I’m not opposed to those things at all because I talk about those things A LOT and I am ALL for it. It’s soooo important to find love for yourself, as subjective and cliche as that sounds but it’s seriously TRUE.
If you do not respect or feel comfortable in who you are, then how can you expect to feel the same about others? Though, I do think that once you feel you’ve reached that certain stage in your life where you feel so confident and in love with life and everything about you, it would seem like it’s easy to accept being single. I know I’ve reached that feeling about myself after navigating so many life experiences and doubting myself so many times where I questioned myself as a potential partner so damn hard.
However, if gaining a real romantic relationship that has potential for a future is super important for you like it is to me, then you can only feel those things you’ve done for yourself for too long. You feel like you’ve done a lot for yourself already and you feel like you can keep going at it, but somehow, there’s also that urge in you to share a lifetime of adventures with someone. As you grow older, having temporary things in an always everchanging, unstable life won’t be something you’ll desire at all.
What I’m saying is that it would be very nice to invest in someone who has all the potential to build a life, home, and family with sometime.
Here are a few other things I have recognized that can help you embrace your singleness.
You do not want to settle for less.
I think this didn’t speak as important to me ….until I hit this age, to be frank.
I promise you this. You do NOT want to settle for less. I’m not saying to have high expectations, but it is good to at least have some high standards that deem valuable to you and your life.
If I didn’t reach this pivotal point in my life of accepting and loving myself (and actually meaning it), then the other times in my life would’ve probably continued to bring out my insecurities as it did in my earliest relationships or when I was new in dating. And asking for peace for myself would’ve been the hardest thing to attain, so I had to be alone and single to gain back my peace.
You see, I attracted people who were just as broken as I felt. I’ve found myself compromising for others when it’s not needed and being there for people more than I was there for me.
Also, do not miss out on the red flags. It can be easy to miss those red flags when there’s infatuation involved or if you do not feel as whole inside. Those red flags can determine what kind of relationship you may have with someone for the long run; LISTEN to your guts. If it doesn’t feel right from the bat and you’d hope to keep feeling it out hoping it would be right, it usually isn’t.
I remember standing in one of my exes’ place in the middle of the kitchen after I helped him wash his dishes while they weren’t around, and there was a gut feeling in me knowing that he won’t be the one for me. After he ended it with me, I had known all along before.
It’s all about understanding it needs to be the right person at the right time.
Sometimes, we think we are ready and it’s the right time, but we may end up with the wrong person. Or the other way around can happen — sometimes it’s the right person at the wrong time. Either situation, that person is still the wrong person. Now, I’m not saying that person will always be the wrong one! Things can often take a turn in life. However, timing plays a huge factor in making that person right for you.
When you’re single, you accept that the right person will come along in God’s divine timing. You may not even think about the timing, but you’ll know when you and someone are ready to take it up a notch.
Timing can determine a lot! Someone may feel compliant to work on a major flaw of theirs before they can commit or they may be busy doing something first like putting work before their dating life or they may need to go on more adventures first before they’re ready to share that life with someone.
You have a lot of time to yourself when you are single and you may just then be open to making the timing work if you’re determined enough to pursue someone and also to allow someone to pursue you. For now, if you focus on what your life goals are at the moment, it can lead you to become a better and experienced person and it can help you open up doors to someone who fits in right to where you are now in life.
My parents were both on the same page when they were dating. They wanted to date to marry eventually and so that made them both see each other the right person at the right time. They were also examples of people who were still working on themselves, but being in the same locations, they were determined to still make it work and create a family together.
Being single may not even last long.
Trust me on this! As I said, life can change SO quickly and sometimes, when you least expect it. You should recognize that you being single won’t be a forever thing, especially if this is something you manifest to get out of.
I’ve often read and heard stories from others how they fell in love and have decided to get married and then the babies start coming. These are major life changes to go through!
When you’re single, you won’t have as much responsibility when you have to take care of your spouse or child and that you know you need to support them. You will have so much more, for a lack of better word, selfishness to invest for yourself as a single.
You should go out and do whatever makes you happy and full and experienced in life before major life changes take place because you would probably never gain these same single feelings again.
If I didn’t go on all these travels, solo or shared, it would’ve not built me up to be the brave, motivated, and happy person I am now. I want to make sure that I am happy enough to be on my own before I decide to share the rest of my life with someone else. Because what happens if my spouse gets sick and can’t join me to do things? What happens if my spouse can’t work to pay the bills? I would have to muster up and be independent to figure these things out for my own, of course.
All your dating experiences count as life experiences.
I know for some, dating around can almost start to feel discouraging if you do it long enough and it hasn’t been successful. It certainly is! However, think of dating around as something you should be doing because it’s helping you recognize what you want to get out of a romantic life partner.
The people you meet and spend time with, no matter how freaking painful heartbreak can feel, will always get you closer to the one you should be with. They will open your eyes up to the red flags you missed out on early into your dating. You’ll also see just how much compatibility is important to make it work with someone.
When the right one comes, trust me, you’ll know it in your gut and it’ll come naturally. You may not even feel like you have to work so hard at it (although working at it and putting effort is still necessary) and you’ll come to appreciate more of the humanly and beautiful traits of that person, where in the beginning, you needed to go through hell to experience toxic behaviors before reaching to these conclusions of what you desire more.
I know I can’t speak that much for those who fell in love with someone and got lucky in being with their one and only spouse while my story is that I had to date around before I can see who is more right for me, but I think it all comes down to what I said again: knowing the right person at the right time.
Those people who didn’t have to go through as much dating experiences still knew the one they married is the right one with a combination of effort from both parties and they’ve probably had to overcome obstacles with that person to get to the moment of being right for each other with the exception of putting effort.
So either way, finding your person will always require some type of effort to pay off as a life experience.
Are you embracing your season of singleness (however long that season is)? If so, do you feel like this is a great approach before marriage changes your life? Do you find that being single isn’t always so bad after all?