I wasn’t hoping on posting a big update like this any time soon, which is exactly on this title. It’s true, my dad passed away unexpectedly. It’s only been 2 weeks since it happened.
I am shocked and I’m going through this grieving process, like hard. I’m shocked even more so because it occurred during vacation. I was away in Asia for these past few weeks, which included the Philippines. The Philippines is where my parents are from, it’s my heritage, and I lived here at one point in my life when I was 4-5 years old. I even went to school here. Just a bit of background information.
I hadn’t been back after 22ish years and this time of coming back to the country, it probably had to have been some of the best memories because it would be the last time I would spend with my dad. My trip in Asia was definitely family-based, and it was exactly what I needed. What my soul yearned for. However, it’s just not how I imagined my trip to end like this: choosing the casket and traditional Filipino outfit (a.k.a a barong) your dad would be in.
To anyone who’s been following me for years or those who just discovered me, here’s a fact: I’ve been through my fair share of trials in life from heartbreaks, illness, unemployment, contention, quarter-life crises, and more throughout my 20’s as I’ve documented on here. As soon as I thought I was overcoming those and overcame some of the biggest challenges, a trial as major as this is something I need to now learn to do some healing on. But, that’s life eh? It’s full of ups and downs.
Everyone reminds me that I’ll be stronger from this, but I don’t need to be reminded of my strength. I always knew it was in me, but saying goodbye to people you were close with is probably one of the hardest things a human will undergo.
Losing a parent can be a major shift in our lives. As most people’s lives are moving on, when you grieve for a close loved one or family member, you may feel your life needs to be paused because of the initial grieving processes and figuring out a “new normal”. I’ve been told though that when you lose a parent, you’ll be changed forever as a person.
I’m still figuring out how that will feel, even though I’m scared of that. Right now, I’m just full of mixed feelings: sad, numb, angry, lost, etc.
So, this blog post won’t be long at all, in fact it’s probably one of the shortest I’ll post. A thing I decided I would do on my blog is to share more of my thoughts and life updates whenever I can.
I’m honestly at a point in my life where I’ve been planning on starting new elsewhere, only because I’ve been feeling like change may be what my soul needs (again), not just at this time, but as I look at my life as a whole. I just thought this is my time to reset my life and get back on track with my dreams or what I envisioned for myself, as I promised my dad when he was still here. It’s just what I deserved after feeling knocked down, soooo many times. And it is frustrating af.
And because this has happened that I lost a parent, it doesn’t mean I will stop writing up guides nor stop exploring. My dad would absolutely want me to keep going and to keep writing, sharing about the world, and pursuing my own passions in this life. He will continue to inspire me wherever I go or whatever I do.
I knew of my dad being my biggest supporter. Not just for this blog, but in everything I did in life. I was really close to him. He even went on so many of my adventures that I’ve written about on this blog such as the Alaska cruise trip, Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon National Park, San Diego, Mexico, and so much more. I’m going to miss all the trips we took and him. His love, however, taught me unconditional love that I probably wouldn’t find anything as close as that in this lifetime and I’ll be forever grateful to have experienced that.
I do have a lot of thoughts knowing my Dad no longer walks this Earth… For ex. I know he will never meet the man I’ll end up marrying or be there for my wedding, he won’t meet his future grand children, hear of my other exciting future news or what I’ll write about next, etc. I won’t have someone to call instantly anymore when I’m in a panic or need help, which was instantaneous of me to do. But what I’m sure of is that I now gained a guardian Angel.
This event has already shifted my perspectives further on what I knew about life and it’s that life is meant to be lived fully, however that looks to us, and we can’t take anyone for granted. We must love with our truest intentions at heart and be there for those who are for us.
Psalms 23:4 (as I saw on my Dad’s memorial slideshow): “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”
How you can help me at this time
All I want to ask from everyone are prayers. Prayers for my healing and prayers for my family, especially my hurting mom, who had 32 beautiful years of marriage with my dad. I also ask for prayers for us to be able to see beautiful things continue to unfold as we move forward in our lives with this major change.
My siblings and I also set up a GoFundMe fundraiser to help us with the expenses of the sudden passing of my dad, especially how pricey it has been when it happened overseas. If you would like to help us in our healing and to overcome the overwhelming feelings of handling all the expenses, please check out the GoFundMe here. Donations will help and sharing the link will mean just as much! Thank you.